


Half A Heart

by thefeelingillforget



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Guardian Angel!Marco, Half A Heart by One Direction, M/M, Soldier!Jean, Songfic, i'm not even sorry, other than that it's pretty much canon universe, this is half jokes on the highest level guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:57:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefeelingillforget/pseuds/thefeelingillforget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes things get too much. Even for Marco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Half A Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically Marco trying to be sneakily romantic but failing drastically. And tears... many tears..

It wasn't what Marco expected when he thought about what would happen after he died. He had expected the world to just go black and that would be it.

Which would have been fine, really. He had lived his life to the fullest, had met amazing friends and didn't regret a single desicion.

One thing he did regret, though is not being able to say good-bye to Jean. He deserved to know that the freckled boy loved him and that even without him Jean should carry on and become the great leader he was destined to be. He truly wished he had. Because what actually waited for him after the intense pain pulsing through his entire body got so much it just abruptly stopped was more torturous than having to just let your murder happen because your friends betrayed and tried to kill you mere minutes before that.

When he had opened his curious eyes at the surprising brightness surrounding him he found himself in the middle of a meadow with colourful flowers that were lightly bending in the soft breeze. He frantically looked around just to have his eyes falling upon a raven haired male with a small, yet muscular frame.

He held out his hand to Marco to help him stand up. Puzzled the freckled boy looked up at him "Where am I? And who are you?!" The question made the other man look down at him with piercing blue eyes, obviously annoyed by the lack of cooperation Marco was showing and thus pulled his hand away.

"You're in limbo." the man said before quickly adding "But not for long." That made Marco even more confused "Wh-what are-" "You will proceed your afterlife as a guardian angel of a certain man named Jean Kirschstein. He supposedly is an aquientance of yours and will be in need of your protection." the raven haired interrupted the oncoming ramble.

"Jean's guardian angel?" Marco whispered shocked at the man's words who went to admonish the bewildered boy "As a guardian angel you are not allowed to intervene in the everyday life of your ward. That means no materialising, no talking or making any other attempts of establishing contact. In case you infringe those rules there will be severe punishment inclusing never getting to see your ward ever again. Believe me, you don't want that to happen. Be grateful for your task. Your job here could be much worse."

Marco was getting scared more by every word leaving the weird man's mouth. He had so many questions that were swirling around his head and made him dizzy. Finally he blurted out "But what if Jean really is in danger? How can I help him? What do I do?" The ocean blue eyes mustered him to the point where Marco almost felt transparent before the man shrugged and turned around with the words "You'll figure it out."

And so Marco's vision faded away once more.

That was ten years ago now and Marco could still remember that strange meeting as if it happened yesterday. In those ten years of protecting Jean he learned a few things about his "condition".

One, he had the ability to appear and disappear to the human's eyes whenever he pleased which was A+ pranking material for whenever he got too bored since he didn't allow himself to speak to any of them (though he was tempted about a million times).

Two, he wasn't the only guardian angel here. It wasn't like there was one for every human, but he guessed for the ones who needed creatures like he was there was invisible help. Marco was more than relieved to know that most of his friends from the survey corps had someone watching over them. The other guardian angels were more than kind, especially Armin's named Makoto whom the freckled boy became close friends with and who showed him the ropes of protecting his ward. That task was quite easy since only shortly after Marco died the survey corps managed to reconquer every district within the walls and build higher and especially thicker walls. All of that seemed pretty nice until the last thing he learned.

Jean was missing Marco like crazy.

Of course he tried to keep his cool in front of his friends even though they saw right through him and subtly tried to cheer him up and distract him. It wasn't like Jean mourned over his loss every single day and Marco was glad that he didn't, but on some days it just hit him, that feeling of lonliness and the empty void in his chest got too big. On those days he went deep into the woods costantly looking behind him to make sure no one would follow and when he was far enough away from everything he just let himself go. He sobbed, he screamed, he pleaded for Marco to just come back, repeating that he didn't deserve to die alone like that, cursing himself because he wasn't able to protect him and mumbling over and over again how much he needed him.

It killed Marco to see him like that the first time because the person that mattered to him the most was so broken and there was nothing he could do. So the guardian angel would just sit next to him and cry with him until Jean calmed down and was ready to go home. These incidents didn't decrease and every time Marco heard his name being desperately screamed by Jean's cracked voice towards the dark night sky he felt his heart crumbling even more. What was the point in being his guardian angel when the frecked boy couldn't even keep his ward save from his own feelings?

One time he couldn't hold back. Apparently it was the anniversary of Marco's death that day and everyone's been walking on eggshells around Jean who looked like death himself with his red-rimmed eyes, blue and purple bags beneath them and an especially untamed stubble. As soon as their daily practise ended Jean went straight for the woods, this time without the fear of anyone following. Most of his comrades had already lost someone close to them, so they knew what it was like when _that_ day came around and respectfully stayed away.

He was walking for quite a while, apparently trying to keep calm, but when that seemed impossible he slumped against the trunk of a large tree partially covered in dark green moss. The next thing he did was completely unexpected yet immensely heartbreakig to Marco.

"Hey, Marco." he started talking with a trembling voice "It's been three years without you now and one should think I would have been able to be more at peace with that, but I'm not." laughing bitterly he added "Not at all." Jean was close to tears when he continued "You know, everything seems so mundane, so incredibly pointless and it hurts; it hurts so much. It's like when you... when you died - as disgusting as it sounds - a part of me died with you. And I guess-" he cut himself off when he felt the first hot tears running down his cheeks and dissolving in his three-day stubble "I guess that's why I feel so empty now. Oh god, Marco..." At this point sobs were shaking his entire body and his fists were clenched tightly in an attempt to ease the overwhelming emotional pain. "I just hope that you're doing okay." He whispered those last words so very broken and full of honest concern of his dead boyfriend's wellbeing that it pushed Marco over the edge of how long he could stand seeing Jean hurting so _badly_.

So he got down from the spot where he was hovering in the air above Jean and, while still maintaining his invisible state, sat down next to the small shaking frame of the other man, put an arm around his shouders and tightly hugged him into the left side of his now regenerated body. If he couldn't talk to Jean at least he had to make sure that he didn't feel alone, though he silently feared what consequences his actions might cause. He didn't want to lose the other like that.

At first Marco didn't think that the other even noticed his presence, but after a short period of time the solider visibly grew less tense and his loud sobs became more quiet with every minute they stayed in their embrace.

Only after what seemed a little eternity Jean grew completely quiet, but even when he did, he couldn't bring himself to move from a position that suddenly felt so comfortable and save. To him it seemed like from one momet to the next he was sheltered from all bad in the world an he never wanted that feeling to stop. It made the raging storm of thoughts of sadness ebb away to a calm ocean of warmth and protection. Jean relished those moments as long as he could before he knew he had to o back to the others to have lunch or else Levi would go crazy on him again, though he closed his eyes one last time to remember the security that filled the gaping hole in his chest.

That was when Marco expanded his tasks of being a guardian angel to exactly that; making Jean feel like home. It became a habit from then on to be physically there for him whenever he was at his lowest. Though over the years it gradually became harder for Marco to restrain from talking to Jean. The torturous feeling of seeing the person he loved every day, but having to keep from reassuring them, not being able to tell them that everything would be okay, that he is okay gnawed rigidly at the guardian angel. And so he found a way to tell Jean how he felt.

The night was clear with a million bright stars dotting the midnight blue sky. Pale moonlight seeped through the curtains of the winow to Jean's single bedroom and the solider was fast asleep. Marco was timid when he inched to his ward's bed anxious of what his following actions might cause. Carefully he sat on the edge of the matress making sure it wouldn't dip too much for the man to wake up. He sat there for a while mesmerizing how the elevations in Jean's face caught the moonlight just right. In that moment it seemed like he was the actual angel in the room. With a nervously shaking hand he dared to lovingly caress the soliders soft cheek that was pressed against a white linen shirt that was a size too big for him and kept faint traces of another familiar scent. He was so beautiful especially when his face didn't show any traces of worry and grief.

Sighing he lowered his head and after a few more seconds of silence he quietly began to sing "So your friends been telling me you've been sleeping with my sweater" smiling gently he went on "And that you can't stop missing me" his voice grew distant at the next few lines "Bet my friends been telling you I'm not doing much better because I'm missing half of me"

Gazing at Jean's face again he coninued to sing a little louder now "And being here without you, it's like I'm waking up to only half a blue sky, kinda there, but not quite. I'm walking round with just one shoe. I'm half a heart without you" a small tear managed to escape the corner of his eye and drip on the sheets "I'm half the man, at best, with half an arrow in my chest. I miss everything we do..." slowly he leaned forward to tederly touch his lips against Jean's forhead and whispered the last few words against his warm skin "I'm half a heart without you"

Then, he quickly leaned back afraid of wetting the solider's face with his very own tears. Cying silently he watched the stars outside just like he'd seen Jean doing when he couldn't sleep at night. Marco pressed his eyes shut tightly at the sudden realization of a heavyness weighing his chest down. They hadn't deserved this situation, only being able to get faint moments of each other, but he guessed he should he grateful to be given the chance to get to see Jean at all.

Too caught up in his own thoughts Marco nearly didn't catch the quiet words whispered at the same sparkling night sky he was just getting lost in "You showed me that no matter what, we'll always have each other. Thank you for everything, Marco."


End file.
